How to Be Vulnerable in Relationships: A Guide to Emotional Intimacy

Vulnerability is a word we hear often — in therapy, in relationships, and in self-help spaces. But what does it truly mean to be vulnerable with someone you care about? For many people, especially those with complex pasts or identities that have required self-protection, vulnerability can feel unsafe. In a recent episode of the Untherapeutic podcast, Dr. Justin Dodson explores the emotional and relational significance of vulnerability — and why it’s foundational to love, trust, and healing.

What Does Vulnerability Look Like in Relationships?

Vulnerability isn’t just about crying in front of your partner or sharing your biggest fears. It’s a day-to-day practice that builds emotional intimacy over time. In healthy relationships, vulnerability looks like:

• Authentic expression: Telling the truth about your emotions, needs, and intentions — even when it feels risky.

• Open communication: Being willing to express disagreement or hurt in a constructive way.

• Emotional availability: Letting your partner into your world, rather than keeping them at a safe distance.

Vulnerability allows relationships to grow deeper because it builds trust — the kind of trust that says, “You can see the real me, and I’m still safe here.”

Common Barriers to Vulnerability

Most of us want to feel deeply connected. But the path to connection often involves discomfort. Vulnerability is not natural for everyone — and here’s why:

• Fear of Rejection: Many people fear that once they are fully seen, they will be dismissed or abandoned.

• Past Trauma: If previous attempts at vulnerability were met with judgment, punishment, or betrayal, it’s understandable to avoid it now.

• Cultural Norms: Men, in particular, are often socialized to equate strength with emotional silence. This conditioning can create internal conflict when vulnerability is needed.

Dr. Dodson reminds us: vulnerability is not about being fearless. It’s about being honest while afraid.

Misconceptions About Vulnerability

Understanding what vulnerability isn’t is just as important as understanding what it is. Let’s address a few common myths:

• “Vulnerability is weakness.”

  Truth: Vulnerability is a courageous act that takes strength, not the absence of it.

• “If I’m vulnerable, they’ll automatically respond the same way.”

  Truth: Vulnerability isn’t a transaction. It’s about modeling openness, not demanding it.

• “Being vulnerable means I have to share everything.”

  Truth: Healthy vulnerability includes boundaries. You can be open without overexposing.

Building the Capacity for Vulnerability

If vulnerability doesn’t come easily, that’s okay. It’s a skill — and it can be practiced.

1. Start with self-reflection.

   Identify what you’re afraid might happen if you share your emotions or ask for what you need.

2. Share in small doses.

   Try expressing something vulnerable in low-stakes moments: “I feel anxious about how this conversation might go.”

3. Pay attention to safety.

   Vulnerability thrives in relationships where there’s trust, respect, and emotional attunement. It’s okay to choose your audience.

4. Work with a therapist.

   Exploring past pain that prevents openness can unlock future connection.

When Vulnerability Is Misused

One of the most heartbreaking experiences is when someone weaponizes your vulnerability. Dr. Dodson shares that many clients carry scars from being emotionally manipulated after sharing something personal.

If this has happened to you:

• Reaffirm that their behavior wasn’t your fault.

• Set firmer emotional boundaries going forward.

• Remember that the right people will honor your openness.

Final Thoughts

Vulnerability is how we build bridges between two people’s inner worlds. It’s messy, brave, and deeply human. In your relationships — whether romantic, platonic, or familial — practicing vulnerability creates the emotional glue that holds connection together.

Start small. Stay honest. And remember: every time you choose to be seen, you take one step closer to being truly loved.

We'd love to help you and your loved ones cultivate better habits around vulnerability, relationships, and emotions. Connect with us to learn more!